10 Names That Aren’t All That Awesome

So I was trying to come up with an idea for this weeks list and couldn’t think of anything. So I plagiarized part of 2 lists from Parents.com They had the top 10 of each sex and I am only posting the top 5 of each. So here there are in order of popularity with my own comments thrown in for fun.

Girls

  1. Isabella/Isabel/Bella – Really ladies? We can’t find better names for our girls than one popularized by a series of books about Sparkly vampires? Especially since the girl is obsessed with being a vampires housewife. A perfect Mormon woman whose name means devoted to God.
  2. Emily – I’ve never really liked this name. The last Emily I met was in karate class and she was a “pacifist” who liked causing pain on her practice partners. I’ve never met any Emily’s who were industrious or striving for anything.
  3. Elizabeth – Liz, Lizzie, Beth, Ellie. Why should you have a name that can be shortened so many ways? And the only really good Elizabeth’s I’ve ever even heard of were Queen Elizabeth I, and Elizabeth Barrett Browning. If you’re going to give your child a biblical name pick one that doesn’t mean my God is an oath.
  4. Ava – I can’t hear this name and not think of the Smashing Pumpkins.

    With a song that includes not only your daughters name but lyrics like

    And you’ll always be my whore
    Cause you’re the one that I adore
    And I’ll pull your crooked teeth
    You’ll be perfect just like me

    How can you expect your child to ever turn out normal? Also if you insist on naming your child “like a bird” prepare for a lifetime of eating disorders.

  5. Olivia – I hear Olivia and I think of a little blue haired grandma in a rocking chair knitting or something. I do not think cute little girl. I know there are quite a few Olivia’s in the world. Olivia Newton-John perhaps being the most famous. I’d have to say that this is by far, however, my least disliked name on this list. I would possibly have considered it for my future daughter if it weren’t for the meaning. Olive tree. Really? If you’re going to name your daughter after a tree pick a better one. Like Willow or Rowan. Not something that is poisonous unless treated for at minimum a month before they’re edible.

Boys

  1. Aidan – This one’s not too bad actually. I just don’t like how many different ways there are to spell it. Just on the website I stole these from there are 11 different ways to spell this one name. It does have a cool meaning though. Little fire.
  2. Jayden/Jaden – Yet another biblical name on the list. This time it means God has heard. So, appropriate if you’ve been praying to get pregnant. However like Aidan there are too many different ways to spell this name. 17 different variations on this one.
  3. Michael – My first real boyfriend was a Michael. You know what I called him behind his back? Mikey. I’ve never really liked the name since. If you’re going to name your child after an Angel though why not go with the biggest and baddest of them all. The one that led the army for god.
  4. Jacob – Yet another name made popular by sparkly vampires. This time however NOT the lead. I’m surprised Edward didn’t make the list but the werewolf did. According to the meaning though this name is only appropriate if you have twins and Jacob is born second.
  5. Ethan – Firm and steadfast? I’ve never actually met any Ethans in my life so I can’t really say if this is true or not. But still I can’t help but think of unemployed slackers when I read/hear this name. Remember this?

    Not exactly my picture of firm or steadfast.

As always some of the comments are made purely for comedic purposes. I know that what you name your child only in part influences how they’ll turn out.

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~ by kitkatsknits on February 22, 2010.

One Response to “10 Names That Aren’t All That Awesome”

  1. you’re right, the sparkly vampire references figure way too heavily into these lists! Can you imagine how many Bellas and Jacobs there are going to be in high school in ten years? Not to mention Edwards . . .

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